Downs and Ups

7:30 Sunday Morning post from room 810 Sloan Ketterring:   Ugggggggghhhhhhh.    That is about the feeling every morning waking up from about 6 or  7 short to moderate sleep episodes.  Check the queasiness in the stomach.  Today check on the swollen lower legs and feet that have popped up in the last few days.  Have to check color of pee to see if the blood levels have gone down.  Take a pee into the portable plastic stein that makes it so you don’t have to unplug from the wall with your IV tree. A tree that miraculously only beeped 7 times last night, oh make that 8, has a mind of its own.  I then call desk and they say either “can I help you ” or “beeping? and I reply either “I’m beeping ” or “beeping”  And the tastes and smells of a hospital room.  Not good.  I ask people on the phone sometimes what they had for lunch just to check in with the variety and textures.  Makes me queasy doing it but it also helps let me know it’s still there.  Pretty repetitive and mundane stuff.

And as anyone who has spent any time in the hospital knows it is the sameness that gets you.  In everyday life going from a bad business meeting
where your lower self has had the floor, and the ride home is a cycle of what ifs and I cant’ believe how that guy acted thoughts,  there is at least the option of stopping somewhere and shifting the energy.  Getting into nature, getting a Starbucks, just shifting the energy to something else.  Using the amazing diversity of environments out there to come back to your self and regain composure and perspective…..and joy.   Needless to say its harder in here.  Some people have asked “If it’s so important to keep germs away then why do you have visitors?”  This must be why.  It is a huge part of the healing and a huge part of making the treatments bearable.

This post is probably a combination of my wife being a way for a few days, not seeing Leela and the loneliness hitting harder now, and not wanting someone just diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia to check out my site, read through it and say “this is going to be great, footrubs, NY views, etc..”

All this being vented,  the nurse just came in to hang some meds on the IV tree and told me readings for the day.

Here they are for the week in White blood count:  M .1   Tu .2  W.3  Th .3  F .2 SAT .4 and today .7      Somethings happening.   The Great Spirit is working his brew.

Love,

Tom

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